That....is disgusting!!!

I was thinking about how many people I catch picking their nose while they drive.

It isn't limited to just young men either. Even though younger men are dubbed the pigs of the earth (wearing the same undies for days on end, and using up every clean dish until you're actually eating from an empty pop bottle cut up to fashion a bowl, etc), I've actually seen older business women driving BMW's and Range Rovers indulging in a quick snack too.

First of all, EEWW!! Second of all, every time I've been guilty of cleaning my nose, it's never been something that I've thought "Man, I just have to eat that!"

This make me wonder what these people lacked as kids. Maybe their moms didn't cook with enough garlic, and that just reminds them of mom's home cooking.

This also reminds me of one of Ali's former classmates who would scratch her scalp, then proceed to dig up the dried skin from underneath her nails with her teeth.
The worst part was how she'd justify it. "Well, I was hungry!!".

I've eaten some nasty foods in my day, including raw caribou and bull's testicles, but never would I stoop to those levels. I've got my pride ;)

So, the next time you're on the open road, take a quick peek to the car stopped next to you at that red light. See if they actually stop when they notice you staring at them, or see if they are just too hungry to care.

Why are Canadians dumb?

Just look at the climate we live in.....

It's currently -29 Celcius, and it's supposed to go down to -34 tonight. Great.

To top it all of, I have a piece of shit 1993 Cavalier that decided that I don't deserve heat any longer.
This is just one of the many "features" my car has. It's other selling points are a defrost that hardly does it's job, and a rear defrost that lasts as long as a 15 year old boy looking at a Playboy magazine.

So, needless to say, I'm at my wits end. I'm thinking of calling my grandma to see if I can borrow her car for the next few months. This is, of course, if I can pry it out of my greedy aunts/cousins hands long enough to get it out of the driveway.
This is the same car that Ali and I borrowed after her beloved 'Tunia (R.I.P) was stolen a few years back.
The only difference - if we borrow it, we wash it, put gas in it, clean it, and show our appreciation by getting her flowers and a thank you card. All my asshole family does is drive it until it's empty, and add a few new dents and scratches every time they get behind the wheel.

Tough choice?

If any of you have an inexpensive vehicle to donate to Chris' work fund, let me know. I'll get you as many rubber gloves and suppositories as you can handle.

Just where exactly are the cockles of the heart?

Anyway, here are a few things that warm those "cockles".

I love hearing Ellery say "Dada". I'll love it even more when she knows how to use it to her advantage.

I love packing up the family and venturing outside in the cold winter air for a brisk walk.

I love watching football in HD. I never really appreciated the difference until I got hooked up.

I love relaxing and ice fishing in an ice shack. Nothing beats manly conversation and fish.

I love mom's home cooking. I just have to get her to pick up on Southern comfort food...

I love driving on long road trips. Especially the ones I had with my best friend Mike.

I love having a date night with Ali. We haven't made much time for each other lately, but I think it's time for dinner and a movie (her choice).

I love staying in hotel rooms.

I love a good zombie movie.

I love when Ellery smiles so hard it looks like her face is going to crack. She's doing it right now...

Beware!! Rant coming on!!

99% of the time, I love my job. I love working at a hospital, I like the people I work with, and I really enjoy getting to know patients and their families.

The other 1% of the time, I have to deal with stuff that I'm not fully prepared for, like deaths on our ward, or somebody falling and breaking their arm, only for the x-ray to reveal that they're riddled with cancer.

I work on a Trauma/Orthopedics ward. I deal with broken bones, and back surgeries. For the most part, the Surgeons that I work with are all excellent when dealing with their issues. However, when somebody gets a less desirable diagnosis, other services (IE. Medical Oncologists, or Nephrologists) are slow to pick up the slack. This leaves us nurses in a very tough spot, seeing as we advocate for our patients and do the fighting with the doctors on behalf of the family.

If a person is a newly diagnosed Diabetic, or if the doctors do discover a mass on a lung, it has to come from the doctors. Most of the time, they try to leave it up to the nurses to inform the patients, or see how much the family knows without actually talking to them.

In health care, we all have to give news that not be what anyone wants to hear. There is a fine line between maintaining professionalism and breaking news without showing any empathy. I think that Doctors have to remember that they are humans first, and professionals second.

P.S. I still get teary-eyed when I have bad news. This is why I'm a nurse I guess.
If I were a robot, I would have attended Med. school.

New Year's (Re)solutions

Here we are, 4 days into the new year.
Like many others, I have set goals in the past, only to crash and burn.
This is a list of things that I want to happen, mostly for others.

1. I want my Winnipeg Blue Bombers to finally win it all.

2. I want Ellery to have an awesome 1st birthday party.

3. I would love for somebody close to me to win the lottery.

4. Actually cash in some Air Miles for something.

5. Help Ali get excited about work again.

6. Maybe attend some more concerts.

7. Take the family camping.

8. Go on day trips.

9. Make a stronger effort to stay in touch with friends.

10. Hopefully become an uncle.

There. 10 little things that I hope that 2009 will bring. Wish us luck!

Back in the saddle again

I've returned form a week in Ontario.
I've over eaten more than once, visited friends and family, and even stayed up past 11 p.m.

I now have to face the reality of working again, getting up and starting my cold car, and eventually listening to my parents gawk about their trip to the Caribbean, and how hot it was.

My dad will come back tanned as black as tar, my mom will have her hair weaved in that stupid little dread lock thingy that all white tourist get done (I think it's just a joke that locals play on tourists to make them look like assholes) and my sister will be on her latest rant, which currently involves how farm animals are mistreated, and how skim milk powder is 2 chemicals away from napalm.....

I'm over the fact that 90% of my immediate family is going South. I had my awesome man weekend earlier in the month, and I'm hoping Ali will be able to do something with her girlfriends in the future. It just irks me how people always tell stories of their vacation and say things like "Remember how our bartender Jose said your name?" or when they have an inside joke that just won't die.
With my parents, it's the lame pictures. Sure, they mean something to them, but to me it's just a group of strangers smiling, and holding up giant drinks.
And then there's my dad's famous line "Did you notice _____ while you were in Cuba?" Or "Is that what you did when you were there?"

Petty, I know, but I'm ready for it this year more than ever. I have Ali and Ellery to keep me sane through the cold months ahead.

Ode to my belly button lint

Oh, belly button lint, so stealthily you appear

I have a shower, put on a clean shirt, and yet you persevere

I find you in the evening, after carrying you around all day

I take my shirt off and get ready for bed, and you poke your head out to see if I'm OK

I wonder what you're made of, and if you'll ever cease

I imagine how big you'd be if my shirts were made of fleece

I always know you have my back, or rather my mid section

I just wish you were one of those things I simply couldn't mention

As I live my life these days I'll take the good with the bad

After all you're not the toughest combatant that I've ever had

You're evil twin toe jam has introduced themselves on occasion too

But I'll have the last laugh when I shower away the both of you

Until next time, bellybutton lint. Until next time....

It's almost the "C" word..

Christmas.

Remember a few years back when a few people were freaking out, saying that Christmas wasn't just for Christians, and that everyone celebrated this holiday?
We couldn't say Christmas tree. It was known as a "holiday" tree.
We couldn't say Merry Christmas, it was "Happy holidays".

Way to ruin Christmas. Merry Holi-mas.
Better?

This last few days before the big day is where I'm truly impressed with Ali's ability to speed shop.
This is like watching a man on crack going through his shopping list. My question is this ;

Why can't women shop like this all of the time?

They buy what they need, glancing at their lists, get into a store, get mad at the crowd, buy what they need, and bee line it for the till. Sounds like man shopping to me!

Good luck finishing your shopping.

What's not to like?

I've returned home to frigid cold winds, a foot of snow, and bitter cold.

For the past few days, I was living a sports fan's dream, watching a live NFL game between the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos, and enjoying an awesome round of golf at a beautiful golf course called Old Sycamore golf Plantation.

I have to sincerely thank my hosts Reggie and Gigi for showing me true Southern charm and hospitality. They made a great trip even better, and I can't wait for the two of you to finally meet the rest of my family.

I think I must have been a Southerner in a former life. I sampled all of the local dishes and loved them all. It started with a good seafood dinner, complimented with succotash. The next morning, I had my first taste of grits and country ham (a salty version of our Canadian back bacon).
The next day at the best tailgate ever, I had Chesapeake oysters as big as a baby's fist, including one with a pearl, and fresh North Carolina shrimp and steamed mussels.

My host's house was very cozy. I've visited many States across the U.S., but this is the first one that I could actually see myself living there. I think a lot has to do with the whole Southern charm there, and we as Canadians are very polite too, so we're very similar.
I was getting used to being called "honey" by the older ladies, and chuckled every time I heard a man address another woman as "darlin'" or "sweetheart".

I loved meeting the extended family - all 5 of the Border collies, the 2 horses and cats, and Bosco the parrot.
I enjoyed the dialogue with Larry, and chatting with Tree and Bash.

I enjoyed Penny's place - this little dive of a restaurant with no windows that served food on Styrofoam plates.

I liked the coffee there. Probably the best American coffee around.

I appreciated the hospitality of all of the strangers that I introduced myself to.
I'm looking forward to our next trip to Charlotte to visit Reggie, Gigi and family.

As a transplanted Chicagoean says about North Carolina, "What's not to like?".

Thanks, one million times over. I've been ruint.......

Superstitions

As a man, I have some superstitions when it comes to sports.

I always wear my Bomber jersey to games. I think the world will end if I don't.

I have to watch an away game, or else my team will lose. This one doesn't make much sense, because they still lose anyway.

When I go away to watch my first NFL game, I will have to wear something with Denver Broncos on it. Not in plain sight, I don't have a death wish, but something nonetheless.

Other superstitions include not stepping on the first base line when playing baseball, or putting on my wedding ring a certain way, so the engraving faces upward.

When I go fishing, the first fish is always let go - this produces more fish in the end.

What are some of your superstitions in life?

Why do sit ups hurt?

The other day, I had Miss E on the floor beside me.
She was entertaining herself with various toys, and I'm trying to get back on track with the whole exercise thing, so I grabbed my weights and got to work.
After my set amount of reps with the weights, I decided to do a few push ups and sit ups.
When I was a young buck, sit ups were an everyday occurrence while serving my Country, so why not start slow again?

After about thirty sit ups, I began to feel a slight twitch in my abdomen. I kept going, focusing on my technique, as to not mess up my back further, managing to do a few more.
All was well, until I tried to sit up. I swear to everything holy, I actually felt like I had a hernia.
I stood up as straight as I could, allowing my abdominal muscles to stretch, but I had these two burning, nagging spots in my belly. What made things worse, was the fact that I had already picked up Ellery, and was frozen in severe pain. She knew something was wrong. She looked at me, trying to figure out why daddy looked like he was getting shanked in a prison shower, but no words would come out. I just stood there, bend slightly to the left, making my peace with God.
Then, as fast as the pain hit me, it disappeared into thin air.

Lesson learned. Abs are over-rated.

Manventure V 2.0

Soon, I will be packing my bags and venturing down to some warmer weather to see my first NFL game.
I think I have been driving Ali crazy, with my relentless planning, my lists, and talking about the most recent weather forecasts.
I basically plan on getting as little sleep as possible to fully maximize my time in North Carolina.
My gracious host is filling the day planner with different ideas and suggestions for sampling the local cuisine.

Here's my only dilemma - the host team is playing my favorite team. The other thing is that I actually own a Carolina Panthers jersey, so I'll think I'll be safe and wear the proper "gang" colors.
I don't want to cause a scene. I'll still cheer for my team, just a little quieter than usual.

So, as we reach our high temperature of -29 Celsius with the wind, I'll be day dreaming of my first tailgate party, my first NFL game, and the tropical 50 degree weather that awaits me.

Another top 10

I've decided to make a list of things that I'm not good at, but aspire to learn, or improve my skills.

1. Photography - Ali loves taking pictures, and when I see her work (especially of Ellery) it makes me wish that I had a better knack at finding "the perfect shot".

2. Water skiing - Never tried it, but it looks fun. If those wipe outs are half as bad as they are on an inner tube, I'm dead...

3. Football - If I could turn back the clock, I wish that I played football in high school. Now that my bad back/feet don't allow it, I wish that I had some cool football stories to tell.

4. Guts - I hate the thought of sky diving, or bungee jumping. I wish I had that "no fear" attitude, but also working on an Orthopedics ward helps change my mind on those things.

5. The travel bug - Self explanatory, unless I win the lotto, I don't have that ability to just pack up my stuff and fly around the world. Someday, when our finances are a little more set up, this will happen.

6. Neil Peart II - One day, I'm going to own a drum kit, and rock the f*$# out. You'll see.

7. Speaking Spanish - This is probably the one language that I would like to learn the most. I think it would serve me well during all of my trips to the Caribbean.

8. Staying in touch with family - Over the years, I have lost touch with cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents for no reason whatsoever. Time to make some calls.

9. Card tricks - Always popular with the kids, and a great ice breaker anywhere. Plus, maybe it'll net me some quick cash.

10. Work on blogging more - I think I've picked it up quite nicely again. I just have to find a way to get my readers back....

Soap vs. the "poof"

As I showered today and used up the last of my body wash, I decided to go back to soap for a while.
I just feel cleaner using a bar of soap, instead of that little clump of material that most women love.

Besides that, most body washes stink. They're either "passion raspberry" scent, or "Jungle Musk". Both not appropriate for a 30 year old man.

I once heard a comedian talking about how his wife wanted him to do the laundry. She asked him to wash the "poofs". He responded with "How do you wash something that only touches soap? It's not even dirty!".

So, for now, I've retired the poof. Maybe I'll gain a little more of my manhood back with each subsequent shower.

Which do you prefer?

Best Christmas memories...

Tomorrow marks the first day of December, one of my favorite months.
Stores begin to play Christmas music, lights are being put up everywhere, trees are being sold at most corner gas stations, and the streets are jam-packed with people.

I remember one particular Christmas when I was 7 years old. I heard a sound on the roof (looking back, it was probably snow falling off) and swore it was Santa. My mom played right into it, and told me that he wouldn't come down the chimney if I stayed awake, so I quickly pulled the blankets over my head and forced my eyes shut.

The next morning, I jumped out of bed, woke up my sister, and ran downstairs. There on the table in the living room, were 2 envelopes. I opened my letter, and It read "Dear Christopher, thank you for the milk and cookies. The Reindeer loved the carrots, too."
I was blown away. Santa is on such a strict schedule, but he took the time to write a personal note to me and my sister?
The rest of the morning was spent opening our gifts, eating breakfast, then heading outside to show our friends what we got.
On the way out the door, my mom stopped me to show me the living room carpet. In a direct path from the chimney to the tree, were heavy boot prints - Santa's bootprints!

It turns out our elderly next door neighbor wrote the letters so we wouldn't recognize the writing, and the boot prints were my dad's....unless my dad IS Santa.

My parents are the best. These are the kind of things Ali and I are going to do with Ellery.